


Naruto Does the Unspeakable

by Chrysanthos



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, I APOLOGIZE, Other, The Sink Kink (or Skink)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:30:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6327217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysanthos/pseuds/Chrysanthos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto sees something online and decides to try it. Oh dear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naruto Does the Unspeakable

**Author's Note:**

> Based loosely on the fic "Mista Fucks a Car".

"Naruto... Why."  
  


"Why not, Sakura-chan?"  
  


It was another day in Konohagakure no Sato, and Sakura already wanted to punch either Naruto or Jiraiya's ghost.  
  


"Why not? I can think of several good reasons, tetanus being one of them," She sighed, wishing she had her mentor's tolerance for alcohol. She needed a drink to deal with this, one that would make Rice Country bankrupt, "Just... Naruto, this is ridiculous."

  
"Says you," Ae said defiantly, "I saw something like this online, and it was hot so I decided to try it!"  
  


"Terrible reasoning," Sakura said, half-heartly bobbing aim on the head, "Give me a better reason."  
  


"Aaaa~ It's the truth..." Naruto said shakily. She still packed a punch when she wasn't serious, "I've decided that I was going to do it anyways, and I have it all set up! All I have to do is use Sexy Jutsu and--"  
  


"Nope, I am not hearing this," Sakura shot up, her ears covered, "Good luck with your weird-ass kinks," She said to aim, leaving to find Kakashi and/or Sai.  
  


Naruto, of course, took this as a go-ahead, so ae went off on ais merry way. That night, Naruto made ais way out of ais bedroom, making as little noise as possible so not to wake the other tenants. Making the handsign, ae quietly whispered, "Oiroke no Jutsu," and, lo and behold, the Naruto with enormous bazoobers that shows up whenever the author tries to find gay Naruto porn appeared. Ae went into the kitchen, and there it was.  
  


The kitchen sink.

Tittilitia Naruto made ais way over to the sink, then, taking out a condom (where did ae keep this condom? you ask. I'm just as confused. Maybe in ais titty. The author replies), slid it over the faucet.  
  


Kakashi considered himself a relatively nice person. He wasn't sadistic or over-the-top like Anko or Gai, and he wasn't a drunken gambler like Tsunade, and he wasn't a chain smoker like Asuma was, God rest his crispy soul, and the list went on, but all Kakashi considered himself was a normal, lazy guy with an eyeball that could rend dimensions and a penchant for reading porn in public.  
  


So when his favorite (tonight) pupil, Sakura, came to him, spouting nonsense about Naruto wanting to have sex with ais own kitchen sink, Kakashi paused for a moment, laughed, considered the fact that Naruto would do that, and then sighed and told Sakura to get Lee. At her confused look, he explained that Sasuke and Sai were at their monthly goth meeting and couldn't attend these shenanigans.  
  


Hoping he wasn't too late, he arrived at Naruto's apartment and then, without any consideration for the other tenants, incinerated the door.  
  


And so, Naruto found aimself in a surreal Mexican standoff. There ae was, about to fuck the love of ais life (a very tentative title, as ais affections changed daily and this was, in fact, a sink), and Kakashi, who was simultaneously trying to look away and look at Naruto in the eyes.  
  


Then Sakura showed up with Lee, and she immediately stuffed her fist into Lee's mouth to keep him from screaming out of confusion and fear of the unknown.  
  


Sakura sighed. Naruto hadn't yet inserted the faucet into ais cooch slit, but was instead staring at them with the most ridiculous expression.  
  


That was when Sai showed up with Sasuke, having gotten a text from Kakashi about this bullshit. Sasuke's face immediately shifted from the internal despair that all goths go through to disgust.  
  


And all Naruto did was fall off ais counter as reality came crashing down. Ae turned back into regular Naruto, and then, the only noise was the various nightlife on the street below and Lee's innocence turning to dust.  
  


"What the fuck." Sasuke demanded, and so did the reader and even the author.  
  


Needless to say, everyone pitched in afterwards. Sai and Sasuke restrained Naruto (for the fifth time this month), Sakura was administering to aim a tetanus shot, Kakashi was burning the condom, and Lee went to build Naruto a new door. No one would see Lee for two months.  
  


And Naruto? Naruto later attempted something else with the kitchen sink once they were all gone, but that's a story for never.

**Author's Note:**

> Shipped with everything, including the kitchen sink.


End file.
